Shaddap Oprah

Every once in awhile us stay at home dad’s catch a piece of Oprah around 4pm in the afternoon when our kiddies are up from their naps and playing in front of the TV. This particular day I was caramelizing some onions while Oprah interviewed a few families that had lost loved ones in car accidents. Car accidents that were a result of cell phone use.

It was tragic and I felt bad for the families that were on the show. The same way I would have felt about anyone else who lost a loved one to a car crash. Whether it was a result of slippery conditions, a rogue deer jumped out of the bushes, or maybe the driver at fault just fell asleep at the wheel.

Next thing you know Oprah launches this big campaign against what she calls “Distracted Driving”. Make your car a “No Phone Zone“, she says. All of a sudden people are putting stickers on their cars and signing up for her stupid newsletter.

“A daughter speaks out about how a driver on a cell phone ran a red light and took her mother’s life. Listen to her story, then make your car a No Phone Zone.”

Pretty much the same as…

“A daughter speaks about how she lost her mother when some crazy bitch ran a red light while applying eye makeup on her way to work.”

Where is the campaign for that Oprah? I wonder if Oprah’s limousine is a “No Phone Zone”?

“It’s Steadman on the Ophone Mrs. Winfrey…”

“Oh nevermind that cell phone Jimmy just pull over at the 7-11 coming up and I will use the payphone. Do you happen to have a quarter? I will just take one out of your tip jar here next to the Champagne.”

This is kinda like when Oprah lost all that weight and wanted to share her foolproof diet with the world. You mean hire a personal trainer, and personal chef? I guess that’s how you lose weight in Emerald City but here in the real world people stop eating crappy food that is fast and affordable.

The fact is that answering your phone while you are driving is no more dangerous than changing the CD in your car stereo, or eating a Happy Meal on your way to the lake. It’s just that some idiots take it to the next level, people get hurt, and then Oprah takes a stand. Remember when it was OK to go out to dinner, have a glass of wine or a beer and then drive home? Some idiots took that to the next level too and now when you want a second beer with dinner you have think…”I wonder if I am over? Nah, I can have one more, can’t I?”.

Same thing with cell phones. You don’t text and drive idiots. I won’t say I haven’t in certain situations. I might reply “K” or something like that when I am at a light or something but I am certainly not writing a post like this on my way to hockey just because the technology is there to do so.

At one time cell phone technology was limited to your car. Remember car phones? You knew Oprah lived on your street because her limousine had one of those curly little antennas on the back window. Next thing you know the big cell phone boom happens and everyone has one. Networks are competing for your business and selling all kinds of great charging and docking accessories for your car. Just so that a couple years later the Government and Oprah can tell you not to use your cell phone in the car. It’s to protect you from yourself. Go buy a pack cigarettes if you need to do something with your hands while you drive. Just make sure you buckle up or you will be fined.

Laws get passed, the Government enforces what is safe, makes a lot of money, and Oprah takes a stand. It’s so cliche.