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Superman’s Song

The #metoo movement is in full force and it’s really got me thinking. So much in fact that I feel the need to voice my opinion. It’s just the view of a “life broke”, “privileged, white male” so do with it what you will.

In 1991 a band who called themselves the Crash Test Dummies (from Winnipeg, Manitoba) released the single “Superman’s Song” and I think it helps define all men in the midst of #Metoo.

“Superman’s Song”

Tarzan wasn’t a ladies’ man
He’d just come along and scoop ’em up under his arm like that
Quick as a cat in the jungle…

Harvey Weinstein is Tarzan and Hollywood is his jungle.

Women are initially attracted to his power and the security he can provide in an otherwise very unstable environment. They come to Hollywood and seek him out for what he can provide. So much in fact that they may be willing to endure certain conditions otherwise unfavorable under normal circumstances to benefit and thrive under his rule. He wears nothing but a loin cloth to meetings but he’s also the key for survival. Weinstein knows he is king and feels like he can do what he wants no matter how unconventional or abusive. Women are lured back to hotel rooms like Jane on a vine for what might seem like their own good.

In the end these women are able to regain their own sense of security and self worth and see him for the animal he really is.

But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin’ around in no junglescape
dumb as an ape doing nothing…

Clark Kent is every man in this scenario. The people you work with, the mailman, the guy at Starbucks making your coffee to your boss at the bank. Some have power and wealth, some have a good looks and a sense of humor, and some have a kind heart and sensibility. The fact is they are all created equal, with the same biological instinct to copulate.

“I was just borrowing a little friction from a stranger.” – Dave Chappelle.

Clark was just a guy at the Daily Planet working his 9-5 who carried the burden of a huge secret. Not that he was Superman, but that he had the hots for a co-worker and didn’t know what to do with that. Should he ask her out? Tell her she looks nice in that dress? Instead he just pushed down all his feelings like a gentleman in hopes that one day she might feel the same way.

This isn’t Hollywood. This isn’t the kind of jungle where you can just swing in and sweep someone off their feet. There’s rules to follow and as men we have to do our best to separate ourselves from the apes. The only problem is that some of us are better at it than others.

Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see another man like him…

Superman is the ultimate example of a man that all women want, and all men aspire be. A man who treats women with kindness and respect and requires no affirmation for doing so.

Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank in the United States
He had the strength, but he would not…

I love this lyric. It’s symbolic of a man with all power in the world, who could use it to have sex with anyone, even Brock Lesnar if he wanted, but he would not. A super male who makes all the right choices to protect the women in his life.

Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled but Superman, he forced himself to carry on
forget Krypton, and keep going

We need to stop making excuses for our actions and have the strength to confront them.

Tarzan was king of the jungle and Lord over all the apes
But he could hardly string together four words: “I Tarzan, You Jane.”

There will always be corrupt men, just as there will always be corrupt women. I think we need to be careful not to condemn the innocent and have a responsibility to expose the guilty.

Sometimes when Supe was stopping crimes
I’ll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back on man
join Tarzan in the forest…

This lyric speaks to every man’s struggle to suppress the urges that make him a man. It’s the old saying that “good guys finish last”. It’s the draw to the dark side. I can only speak for myself when I say that being a good man is work. Men love women and that doesn’t turn off. There will always be sexual ambiguity that exists between a man and a woman in any place in time. In fact there is a great scene in the movie “Beautiful Girls” that sums this up brilliantly;

“Look. The supermodel’s a beautiful girl, Will. She can make you dizzy, like you’ve been drinking Jack all morning. She can make you feel high for the greatest commodity known to man – promise, the promise of a better day, the promise of a greater hope, the promise of a new tomorrow. This particular ore can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl – in her smile, in her soul, in the way she makes every rotten thing about life seem OK…A beautiful girl’s all-powerful and that is as good as love.”

Ironically there are only two things that can bring Superman to his knees. One is Kryptonite (a made up compound nobody can really comprehend because it only comes from a made up alien colony fictionally referred to as Krypton), and Lois Lane (a smart beautiful woman).

But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
And nothing to do but go on home…

There is a sexual oppression that “good” men face on a daily basis. It’s been said that on average most males think about sex every 7 seconds. To suggest that women are powerless and that we live in a man’s world might only be one perspective oppression. One that continues to see progress over the years as well. Men have very little clout when it comes to sexual pursuit. Of course I am generalizing here but if a woman wants to have sex, in most cases, she can just goes out and get some! In a black and white world based on sex and relationships women hold all the power. It’s the kind of oppression that will never change, a gap that will never narrow.

The pursuit of sex drives men to seek out these positions of power that men in Hollywood are exploiting as sexual efficacy. To play devils advocate it’s the same proverbial thumb that presses on my back to make sure I do my part as a married man to keep my wife happy and content, take out the garbage, and make dinner a few times a week. Happy wife, happy sex life.

When the #metoo movement first started flooding my Facebook page I copied the post and changed the “women” to “people”. Some of my friends didn’t like this much. I don’t think this is a man vs woman thing at all. You would be naive to think that I have never gone out to eat with a woman and not be expected to pay for dinner just because I am a man. You would be naive to think that I am the only man to ever have a woman forcefully push my head “down there”. In fact when I was a 19 year old privileged white male I passed out at a party and woke up naked in a girls bed who I was told had sex with me. That’s RAPE right? Me writing #metoo on my Facebook page isn’t taking anything away from women, it’s embracing and applying it to all people – hell ya #ustoo.

So what’s in it for old Superman? Why not join old Tarzan in the Jungle? Because we are better than that. So many of us are better than that. Let’s all be better.

Superman, in all his symbolic glory, is a moral compass for all men to follow into the jungle at a time when women are standing among treetops, cupping their mouths and screaming for help – MEEEEEEeeeeeTOOOOOOooooo! And like animals hiding behind trees careful not to expose ourselves men and women will step out and unite to forge a path through this junglescape that leads straight to a better and utopian Metropolis.

Man, what a great tune!

* “Superman’s Song” was the first single of the Canadian folk-rock group Crash Test Dummies and came from their 1991 debut album The Ghosts That Haunt Me.

Peeves July 18

Sometimes I am grumpy, you should be too.

Restaurant Nachos

If you are going to charge for restaurant nachos they best be better than the ones I can make at home. I am talking to you Cabin Jack’s in Kenora. I come to you because my fridge is not usually stocked with all those exotic ingredients like Jalapenos. You give me 8 grams of shredded cheese and a diced tomato? How dare you!

Investors Group Field

Maybe it’s just my luck but good grief…the last two events I have attended there have been really poorly thought out. Most recently I went to see the women’s soccer team play. Security was tight enough that I had to pour my water bottle out. I was told I could refill inside where I found a huge line up to fill up on water seeing it was Africa hot outside. After about 15 mins in the water line I can see that the bottle filler is broken so it is taking forever for people to fill up. You would think if they are making people pour out water someone might have been on the bottle filler fixing? Then in the second half I decide to go for some of those mini donuts I have been smelling in my section for the entire game and the lineup is 30 mins long. I opt to go for popcorn instead and after a short wait in line I am told they are out of popcorn! Huh. Same thing happened at the Heritage Classic. They ran out of merchandise and pizza! Not to mention the 2 hour “sun delay?”. Terrible event planning.

Water Socks

There is just no way to look cool in water socks. And can someone make some that eventually dry? I put on water socks from last summer and they are still wet and sandy. What’s up with that?

ROGERS

I ended up getting a new phone because my G4 could hardly snap a picture anymore. My deal with Shannon was that the phone had to be $0 dollars and no penalty for money still owing on my current phone. I went to T-Booth in the mall and they set me up with a Pixel for $0 dollars and offered me a $100 pre-paid Mastercard to put towards what I owed on my current phone. Win win right? Wrong. Nobody at ROGERS knows how to make a payment with that pre-paid credit card! I was on the phone with Monique for an hour before she told my I would have to go to my local ROGERS store and make the payment there. Only here’s the thing…THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT EITHER! It’s 2017 ROGERS figure this out.

Loud Honda Civic’s

That doesn’t sound like racing exhaust fool, that sounds like a cry for help. I hate when one of these little cars revs up past me and I have to stop my conversation to look at this crappy little car that someone dumped a bunch of money into so that it sounds like a Harley Davidson. You want people to look at you, buy a Harley Davidson! Stop, just stop.

Yes see? See? Still a Civic.

Connect Four

I hate it when your kid says they can beat you at Connect Four and then they do just that.

Vegas Baby

OK, Shan hates when people ask me “how was Vegas?” – I usually go on a rant about taking the bus in that heat, how the Luxor can’t take a reservation, and just an overall lack of WI-FI. Truth is we had a great time with great friends and the city is something you have to see at some point in your life. I loved the people from all over the world I chatted with while sipping whip cream drinks at 9am playing poker tournaments each morning we were there.

We ate and drank like kings from “Ramsey’s Burgr” and food as far as the eye can see at the “Spice Market Buffet”. Also had an amazing lunch at a place outside Caesars Palace called “Serendipity” worth visiting for their frozen hot chocolate. I even went Lone Wolf one day and took auntie Barb’s advice to check out the In & Out Burger just off the strip. I was talking to a local in front of me in line and he told me to order “Animal Fries”. Apparently there is some kind of secret menu they don’t advertise but is still available if you ask for it. Don’t let anyone tell the shake is something special there though. Also the place was packed to the balls and although the food was good and cheap it still wasn’t worth the 30 minute wait in line. Glad I went though if that makes sense, it was something I had to check out.

Do’s and Don’t in Vegas

  • Groupon like a savage before you leave. Spice Market Buffet has a great one, or at least they did.
  • fly direct.
  • Take the bus or cab to a supermarket off the strip and buy a bunch of water, fruit, snacks, for the hotel. Price of a bottled water at the hotel was $4.
  • Wear comfy shoes. There is a lot to see and everything is further than it looks.
  • Walk indoors whenever possible. Most of the hotels are linked by skywalks and trams.
  • Cabs can be hard to get at night at the busy places like the MGM. Walk across to the Flamingo and get a cab no problem.
  • There are $45 poker tourneys throughout the day. Good way to extend the playing time and down some drinks on the casino.
  • At the Luxor the big $20 drinks you buy at the casino for the refills are not allowed in the pool area. There is another $20 cup you need there. You can avoid this by taking the plastic cups from the pool and two-fisting those on your way in.
  • Careful flushing the toilets at the Luxor.

Shan and I went to this show called “Zombie Burlesque” at the MGM. It was the best show we saw on the trip and I would highly recommend it to someone heading out there.

It was so good to see Mel and Jeff too considering we haven’t seen them since our wedding. Joel and Jen met them for the first time and it was like we had all been friends for years. Jeff even said how much he enjoyed meeting Joel and Jen and just how easy the whole trip was. A trip I will truly remember for a long time.

Of course we missed the kids while we were there and after almost a week away it was great to reunite with them. Huge thanks to Gerrie for looking after the girls and making it possible for us to go on this adventure. It was awesome and overwhelming all at the same time.

Rogers Sucks

My wife was interested in getting an iPhone so we stopped in to the local Rogers location at St Vital Mall. We were informed there that the iPhone 5 was no longer free with new contracts and had no interest in purchasing another phone at this time. We also inquired about the possibility of getting an iPhone 4S with a new sign up and were told the cost would be $79.99 for the upgrade. Again we declined as we had no interest in paying for a new phone when we could just wait for another promotion or go with another provider.

When we got back in the car I thought it would be good to call Rogers and see if I was eligible for an upgrade to the iPhone 5 so that I could transfer my phone (4S) to my wife. I was informed that the iPhone 5 was not an eligible upgrade. I explained the situation that bascially I wanted to bring my wife to Rogers from Telus but our bottom line was that we didn’t want to pay for the phone. At the time a competing MTS promotion was being run for an iPhone 4S for free with new sign ups. The CSR I spoke with told me there were no promotions at this time for 5 but he could certainly set us up with an iPhone 4S for free. I asked why we couldn’t take care of this at the store level and he told me they had more flexibility on their end to offer promotions for new customers. My concern was waiting for the phone in the mail. He mentioned he could waive the cost of the phone or give us our first month free.He also let me know that because my wife is a new customer she would get the same plan I am on at $5 off We decided to go ahead and he took the details required to sign us up and added my wifes phone to my account.

In May I received my first bill and noticed I had been charged for the phone so I called customer support. I spoke to a CSR about being charged for the phone and he told me that because it was mid billing cycle I would see the charges removed from my next bill. He also sorted me out with my Visual Voicemail because it had not been working in the weeks since I made my change.

In June I received my bill and noticed that I still wasn’t credited for the hardware. I called and talked to a CSR who told me there were no notes on the account about getting the phone for free. I explained my situation again and she said she could not help me further so I asked to talk to escalations. I spoke to a very well versed girl in escalations who told me in proper customer service terms that she was empathetic to what I was trying to explain but there were no notes to support what I am saying really happened. After some more discussion I told her we didn’t want the phone if we had to pay for it because there we promos with other providers we could have taken advantage of and again she could not help me with my concern. I asked how much it would cost to cancel both phones and she said somewhere in the $700 range.

I was shocked that after being with Rogers for 4-5 years now and bringing over another customer that they would not honor what they said they were going to do and also deny any such conversation took place. They claim there wasn’t any notes on the account about a free phone but I am not sure how I could have protected myself from lackof note taking? I was warned that my conversation was being recorded so why can’t someone bring up the conversations I had with the last two CSR’s based on my phone number and the date I called?

So surprised they would burn a customer like this over an out-dated phone they have been giving away all over the place.

Bon Jovi Still Holds Up

A few weeks ago I went to see Bon Jovi at the MTS Centre. My cousin Colin called me up with free tickets after seeing Lexi singing “Living On a Prayer”. It was a bad week for me because I was diagnosed with a lacerated ear drum so I wasn’t going to go. In fact Colin said it would be OK for Shannon to bring a friend so she asked Tara Bosak to go in my place. Long story short Colin showed up solo for dinner so I decided to go at the last minute and I am so glad I did.

We were in the first row on the floor just outside the coral of old 80’s chicks who way overpaid for VIP tickets. Oli Jokinen was actually sitting in the seat next to me. It was cool to be chatting with him throughout the concert. At one point the crowd was super loud and he told me to save some cheering for the Jet game the next day. They were playing the Flyers in the afternoon so he would not let me buy him a beer and he did leave before the encore. This drunk dude bumped his way out of the row behind us and I said to Oli “must be from Philly” and he delivered a fake elbow. It was hilarious.

Anyway, back to Bon Jovi, he was awesome. It started a little slow and he doesn’t have an arsenal of dance moves but when the classics came out there was an awesome energy in that arena. At one point during Bed of Roses this lady was flapping her wings for Jon Bon to come over and she gave him a necklace of some kind. Then she broke down in tears and her husband had to console her. It was like a train wreck to watch but it also made me think what a bad ass Bon Jon was back in the day.

I think there was some issues with Sambora not being able to continue the tour and you could tell Jon felt bad about it. He did double encore and ended up being onstage for like 2.5 hours. It was unreal. Big props to Colin for thinking of us, we had a blast.