Tiger Woulds

This morning I watched Tiger Woods apologize for his actions on TV and all I could think was, wow, what a coward. First of all because it was a scripted event without questions and second of all he didn’t really admit to anything the general public doesn’t already know. Doesn’t Tiger have enough money to just tell it like it is son? Why can’t he just come on TV and say “I just did what any man in my position would have done.” Then he could hug his mom and just be done with it. Judging by all the bling his mom was wearing I don’t think this is the first time she has gotten a sorry from Tiger either.

He claims that he made a mistake and is now in therapy and re-examining his Budhist upbringing. Puhlease. The only mistake Tiger made was getting married in the first place. I am sure Elin wasn’t the first model type to endulge in Tigers tastes for skinny blond models. She just hit the lottery when he decided to marry her. Listening to the guy talk he doesn’t exactly strike me as a charmer so I am sure it wasn’t a situation of “hey who is that good looking guy in the golf cart over there…” – Let’s face it…she married him because he is Tiger Woods, he is a billionaire.

It’s easy for me to sit here and say I would never cheat on my wife. I married her because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Now if I was a billionaire and on the road for months at a time would my priorities be the same? Not likely. Clearly Tiger had model types at his beck and call in every city and we all know the power of a beautiful woman. They can make us do some pretty crazy stuff, like go to an opera, or shave our nipples. I have trouble turning down a piece of cheesecake and yet we expect Tiger to turn his nose up to a gorgeous woman at every turn? I think not.

He said he realizes now that he lives by the same set of rules as everyone else but that’s not true either. When is the last time you think Tiger emptied the dishwasher or cleaned his own bathroom? He has people for that. Just like on the road he has people to take care of his personal needs. I know it’s a fine line and I am exaggerating a bit but it’s the same thing. If you hire a guy to pick up the dog shit in your back yard it’s because you can afford it.

If George Clooney came on TV and apologized for all of the women he was banging all at the same time the general male population would be getting line to shake his hand and buy his book. Why? Because he’s not married. Women would be in the same line trying to be his next. He just hasn’t fallen into the trap yet. Tiger is being punished for getting married in the first place. As a reporter on this topic the first question I would ask Tiger is “why would an old horn dog with your kinda money ever settle down in the prime of your career?”

Shame on all the cowardly sponsors at Nike and wherever else that can’t see out from behind their own curtain of infidelity. I hope that when Tiger returns to golf (and he will), and is back on top, that he refuses to play in any tournament that has anything to do with Nike. He should turn his back on them as they have to him. It is the Buddhist way.

Shaddap Oprah

Every once in awhile us stay at home dad’s catch a piece of Oprah around 4pm in the afternoon when our kiddies are up from their naps and playing in front of the TV. This particular day I was caramelizing some onions while Oprah interviewed a few families that had lost loved ones in car accidents. Car accidents that were a result of cell phone use.

It was tragic and I felt bad for the families that were on the show. The same way I would have felt about anyone else who lost a loved one to a car crash. Whether it was a result of slippery conditions, a rogue deer jumped out of the bushes, or maybe the driver at fault just fell asleep at the wheel.

Next thing you know Oprah launches this big campaign against what she calls “Distracted Driving”. Make your car a “No Phone Zone“, she says. All of a sudden people are putting stickers on their cars and signing up for her stupid newsletter.

“A daughter speaks out about how a driver on a cell phone ran a red light and took her mother’s life. Listen to her story, then make your car a No Phone Zone.”

Pretty much the same as…

“A daughter speaks about how she lost her mother when some crazy bitch ran a red light while applying eye makeup on her way to work.”

Where is the campaign for that Oprah? I wonder if Oprah’s limousine is a “No Phone Zone”?

“It’s Steadman on the Ophone Mrs. Winfrey…”

“Oh nevermind that cell phone Jimmy just pull over at the 7-11 coming up and I will use the payphone. Do you happen to have a quarter? I will just take one out of your tip jar here next to the Champagne.”

This is kinda like when Oprah lost all that weight and wanted to share her foolproof diet with the world. You mean hire a personal trainer, and personal chef? I guess that’s how you lose weight in Emerald City but here in the real world people stop eating crappy food that is fast and affordable.

The fact is that answering your phone while you are driving is no more dangerous than changing the CD in your car stereo, or eating a Happy Meal on your way to the lake. It’s just that some idiots take it to the next level, people get hurt, and then Oprah takes a stand. Remember when it was OK to go out to dinner, have a glass of wine or a beer and then drive home? Some idiots took that to the next level too and now when you want a second beer with dinner you have think…”I wonder if I am over? Nah, I can have one more, can’t I?”.

Same thing with cell phones. You don’t text and drive idiots. I won’t say I haven’t in certain situations. I might reply “K” or something like that when I am at a light or something but I am certainly not writing a post like this on my way to hockey just because the technology is there to do so.

At one time cell phone technology was limited to your car. Remember car phones? You knew Oprah lived on your street because her limousine had one of those curly little antennas on the back window. Next thing you know the big cell phone boom happens and everyone has one. Networks are competing for your business and selling all kinds of great charging and docking accessories for your car. Just so that a couple years later the Government and Oprah can tell you not to use your cell phone in the car. It’s to protect you from yourself. Go buy a pack cigarettes if you need to do something with your hands while you drive. Just make sure you buckle up or you will be fined.

Laws get passed, the Government enforces what is safe, makes a lot of money, and Oprah takes a stand. It’s so cliche.